imperturbatus | It's Gareki's turn

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It's Gareki's turn

[ The night had been agonizing in one way or another. From teenaged hormonal libido to the humiliation of everyone in Ravenclaw finding out about Rin sneaking into the tower. The only thing he can be glad about is that none of the professors found out.

Yet.

But with the way everyone's spreading the word, it's only a matter of time. Gareki can kiss his free time goodbye soon, he's sure of it. So instead of going into the Great Hall, where he's also sure that he'll get stared at by everyone and talked about IN FRONT OF himself... He skips breakfast.

Instead, he stays at the scene of the crime (his bed), where a vote has been made to strip his bunk of the curtains so last night would never happen again.

Gareki, good student and someone who preferred to keep his head down, is now notorious for a love life he's still not sure he even had at the moment. How about that shit.

He spends the morning in his bunk with his mechanics book. When he ventures out of the tower into the rest of the school, he gives anyone who so much as looks at him a murderous glare. But he doesn't stay in Hogwarts for long. Instead, he makes a b-line for the sanctuary that was Hogsmeade. Away from a majority of stupid people looking at him like some god damn horny rule breaker.

There's a book in his hand, butterbeer on the table in front of him, and he's nicely tucked into a corner of the Hogs Head. Here, he hopes to take comfort in the fact that only the bravest of souls decide to visit. ]

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Good.

[ Sadly, he does mean it. He hopes Rin suffers for leaving him to settle the dorm down and clean the mess he left Gareki with. Maybe ramming his head against something will have knocked some sense into him?

Okay, no. He didn't want Rin to suffer pain. Humiliation, yes. Enough to equal Gareki's from the night before and the fact he can't even show his face in the school today without the threat of murdering someone. But he thought it was perfectly fine to be pissed off at his boyfriend and Kenya. It was reasonable. They both caused him a headache of his own. ]

I'm going to kick his ass when I'm not so sure I'll murder him first.

[ Of course... Not really. He didn't actually mean he would kill Rin (or Kenya). It's just his temper talking. But there WILL be retribution. ]

You don't mean that.

[No, Yogi doesn't believe Gareki really wants Rin to suffer. His friend is upset and angry and maybe wishes all the evil on his boyfriend right now, but if it really happened, Gareki would be the last to be happy about it. Because no matter how hard Gareki's shell is, Yogi knows the Ravenclaw cares deeply about those dear to him. As for the other thing...]

Say, Gareki? If you really wanna break up with him, do want to because you don't love him anymore, or because you're scared to love him?

[It's not Yogi's place to tell Gareki what to do and it's not his intention to do so either. If Gareki wants to end his relationship with Rin, it's Gareki's choice. But Yogi thinks it would be a pity, if he did that. Because his best friend has spent a huge amount of time hiding in his shell and Yogi wants to see him happy. Gareki finally found someone to care about him deeply, it would be a shame if they broke up, only because it moved Gareki.]

It's okay, if you break up, for either reason, I'm not telling you not to do it. But I think... I think you are happy for once, and it would... it would be a shame if you ran away from that.

[ Yogi's question steals the anger right out of him. He's robbed of every last ounce of it, so thrown off by Yogi in a way that was not very typical to their friendship or Gareki at all. His jaw is slack, but he quickly snaps it shut and retreats into himself when he could get ahold of himself enough to do it. His eyes cast to the side, avoiding his best friend's gaze.

Love.

Fear.

Was a hooligan like himself really so deserving of the things Yogi was talking about? He'd never given it thought before. Never thought of building love, even though he was in this relationship with a great person. It always seemed like an ideal that his personality could never achieve. But here his best friend was, planting the seeds that he could have that.

The short answer was that he hadn't thought about falling in love before. The long one was that no, he wasn't afraid of loving or being loved. Not really. But after being abandoned by his own parents, people who were supposed to love him, he'd created the bubble that was still around him now. Did he deserve love? Did he want to give it, knowing his heart could be broken into a million tiny pieces and scattered around like it didn't matter? Even his adoptive siblings were held at an arms length, but there Rin was in the center of it all...

And suddenly he realized that he actually was falling in love. There was no other excuse for allowing himself to be so stupid in the dorm. For allowing Rin to touch him the way he had or pull so much desire from him with just a kiss. He wanted Rin. He wanted to be with Rin. He liked sitting at the Slytherin table and conversing with Rin.

Gareki's head moves into his hands, fingers massaging his temples with a pained groan. ]

When did you get so god damn perceptive?

[ It's a grunt, annoyed but still keeping his gaze away from Yogi. ]

Obviously I'm not going to break up with him, you idiot. And if I did it wouldn't be because I was scared or in love, it would be because he makes my life complicated.

Huh? What do you mean by that?

[The reply confuses Yogi. He's just asked a simple question, what's there to groan about. He sighs at his best friend and the times the guy makes no sense at all. Maybe it's a Ravenclaw thing?

But when he hears, that Gareki isn't intending to break up with Rin, his face brightens again.]

That's good. I'm glad. You shouldn't break up even then, though. That something is complicated doesn't mean it can't be worth it.

[He startles a little, when he says it, because it also sounds like the answer to one of his own issues. His life feels very complicated now too, and it could become more complicated. He wasn't sure he wanted that until now, but... What if it's more than worth it? He should at least try, right?]

That's right. You need to fight for the things you care about. That's it. That's all there is to it.

[ Gareki finally looks at Yogi again, his features twisted into a dirty look that said everything he wanted to say. But because he was talking to Yogi, he elaborates anyway. ]

Say that when you're in the middle of a scandal and your sex life is all the school can talk about.

[ He huffs softly and grabs his butterbeer, taking a sip from the cup.

Complicated means taking his eyes off of other things that could be important. Like education. Learning. Reading about everything ever to find out as much as he possibly could about the world. He doesn't like making dumb decisions because they always come to bite him on the ass. A fantastic case in point is allowing Rin to sneak into the dorm.

But he wouldn't be Gareki if he didn't seem to see the cogs of Yogi's brain working like a well oiled machine. There was something in his voice that he caught, and it was a lot like when he felt something was bothering Yogi. There was just something different. Obvious. And honestly, he's glad to pull the attention from himself. ]

You sound like you're talking to yourself. Something happen?

My se- ... GAREKI!

[After a heartbeat of shock, Yogi's face turns bright red. His se... Really, his friend has such a dirty mouth sometimes! He ducks his head between the shoulders, thinking of how mortifying that would be. No wonder Gareki is hiding in the Hog's Head. Still... it must be nice. ... Not the scandal! Having someone.]

Like that will happen anytime soon...

[He mutters and hopes it doesn't sound envious, or anything. Then Gareki would definitely declare him insane. The question startles him out of it however, catching him by surprise.]

Uh... Not really.

[He scratches the back of his head in embarrassment over being caught in thought like that.]

Nothing you don't know about.

[It's true, Gareki was the first one to know about this particular issue. It's just Yogi's hesitation that it's still ongoing.]

Just trying to come to a decision, that's all.

It's better that way.

[ Gareki's still not seeing the benefit of having a sex life himself. Maybe that would change once he finally got off. But Yogi being caught with someone with having relations with someone? That would probably be seen as normal. It wasn't hard for Gareki to imagine his best friend falling for someone. The difficult part was watching him not struggle with knowing that he had. ]

What is there to decide?

[ He's leaning his head against his palm, elbow rested on the table. Somehow they slipped into normalcy and the anger he'd been holding onto disappeared. It would probably be back when he had to make his trek back to the school, but for now... It was nice to be back to how things usually were. ]

[Yogi isn't so sure about that, but arguing about it would lead them only to a mute point and Yogi doesn't want to argue with Gareki. He just wishes he could be normal. It would all be so much easier, if he was. Every trouble would be worth not spending his life alone. He's still not arguing with Gareki, he hates arguments.]

It's just... Hirato is mute as always, so...

[He says after sighing, thinking about how to put it best.]

I thought maybe I should look for answers myself. But I still don't know if it's the right thing to do, or if I even want to.

That shitty glasses probably wouldn't tell you if you had something stuck in your teeth. Do you really expect him to say something important?

[ Gareki really has no love for Hirato. At all. Maybe in the capacity that he was glad he was a decent provider, but that was as far as it went. ]

I can't tell you what to do, but it might be worth finding out why seeing your parents made you such a mess.

[Well, he didn't tell Tsukitachi that one time he had dried paint on his nose and Tsukitachi didn't find out until Yogi asked about it, so Gareki isn't wrong, but the reasons are probably different. Probably. Hopefully.]

They're just worried. And maybe a little scared.

[If he fostered a child, who wold grow up and then tell him, they want to know where they came from and will go find out, he'd be scared as well.]

I still don't remember anything, but... I feel like there's something lurking at the back of my mind and I won't be at peace until I know what it is...

Then doesn't that answer your problem?

[ Why fight against it if there was no finding peace? Gareki felt fortunate that he didn't have that kind of problem. It wasn't as if his own past didn't affect him, but he moved beyond it and relied on himself when important things sprang up.

Yogi... Yogi was different, though. He had support coming out of his ears. ]

Maybe... I still don't know if I want to know though... I need to figure that out.

[He suddenly realizes how little sense he's making. First he says he won't be at peace unless he knows, then he's claiming he's not sure if he wants to know. He scratches his cheek and gives Gareki an apologetic smile.]

I'm sorry, I'm not making much sense. I... I'm scared how things will change, once I go down this road. I don't realy want anything to change.

Tough shit.

[ It's said in a kind of cold manner, but he's looking directly at Yogi when he says it. Full of honesty. ]

Things change all the time whether you like it or not. You're graduating this year, so next will be a big one. If you're going to find out anything about your parents, now's a better chance than after you graduate.

[Yogi sighs. 'Tough'... touch sounds like the right word for it, Yogi concludes. His best friend is probably right with everything else he's saying too, he knows it deep inside.]

Maybe...

[There's no library like the one Hogwarts within apparition range that he'd know of. The next best place to find out anything would be Iceland, his birthplace, and he's not getting there anytime soon. Maybe the summer... He shakes his head.]

You're right.

[Still not changing the fact, that he feels scared. With another sigh he leans his head against Gareki's shoulder, thinking of graduation and the changes awaiting him.]

I hate it when things change. I want things to stay the way they are. If everyone is happy, why should it be necessary for something to change?

[He knows he's whining, being childish, but he can't help it. He loves being in Hogwarts, with his friends, living with Hirato and Tsukitachi, with not care in the world. But now, with the approaching graduation, things have gotten much scarier.]

If you went to muggle school, there would be a way to flunk and stay back.

[ Gareki doesn't move, but his words sound like they're shrugging for him. ]

But that wouldn't change anything. You would still graduate one day and we'll all go our own way. At least in this world there are easier ways to visit each other.

[There's a good point in there, Yogi thinks and smiles.]

I guess so.

[He raises his head and looks at Gareki again with a bright expression.]

And thanks to you talking has become much easier as well.

[His smile turns softer again.]

Thanks for listening. And don't worry about what happened with Rin. It's all gonna work out.

[ Gareki hums noncommittally to Yogi's optimism about Rin and himself. He's sure it will, it was just annoying at the moment. Instead, he lets his hand gently drop to the top of the table, moving to take a sip of his butterbeer. ]

Just let me know if you need help with anything.

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It's Gareki's turn

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