imperturbatus | 5th Bite is freshly in love... and then some

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5th Bite is freshly in love... and then some

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[Rin can't believe his luck. Two weeks ago he was cursing his fate and now he has been rewarded with this joy. With someone to hold, to kiss, to love. It's a complete 180 from two weeks ago and it shows in his mood. He's grinning and laughing everywhere he goes, feeling mischievous and in a good mood. Suddenly he's nice and practically beaming at everyone he talks to, probably leaving not a few people confused. He's almost skipping on his toes and his game is better than it had ever been and he has a newfound motivation in lessons. Except... his grades haven't maybe changed as much, like he doesn't learn as much as before, but anyone who has seen him with a certain white haired Ravenclaw student can probably guess he's got better things to do.]

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[Except there's one catch. That whitehaired Ravenclaw was a boy. And though Rin tried not to promote it too much, he isn't hiding it either and answered honestly to everyone who asked. Yes, he and Seth were dating. Usually people were okay with this... But not always. Rin has long ago learned that what other people said, or thought is by no means important, but that didn't mean it couldn't hurt him... or worse. His usual reply to any form of discrimination is a flash of sharp teeth, a warning growl and a seethed 'Get lost', but some people are just really resilient to that. Especially the ones who may not be taller, but had twice as broad a chest as him.]

What you a pansy?

[Is what he would face at least thrice a week, pushed against a wall and surrounded, and that is still the better case. He'd fight back, but usually he's gravely outnumbered.]

Toiletts, yet again

[Since encounters like that begun to happen in quite the frequency, Rin started to carry some make up with himself to be able to cover up the bruises. Taking a trip to the nurse's office each time it happened would be like begging for the teachers to get mixed up in this and he doesn't want that.

Thus, usually after such an encounter, he can be see hurrying to the nearest rest room, covering a part of his face, or keeping his head down, hair falling into his face, concealing it. This heightens the risk of bumping into someone, of course, but if he does, he just hurries further, not wanting to deal with the various looks of pity, or contempt.

Once in front of the mirror he washes his face and dibs the marks gently with powder, staring at his reflection in the mirror with an angry look, tears shining in his eyes. But these tears he doesn't let fall. He keeps telling himself that they're not worth it, that this is the kind of situation that - as a certain friend would tell him - can be solved with punches, no need to loose precious fluids over it. But it still hurts. Hurts to be hated for who you were... Rin wonders what was so wrong about loving someone, but he can't find an answer, or a reason. So he just bites back the hurt and let's the anger contain in, as he quietly sneers at his reflection.]

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[ She flinches at his tone, but rather than being scared off she gets closer. Just what is she supposed to do in this situation though? ]

Hey, I... Sorry, I guess I was kind of harsh...? [ She starts then, feeling more than a little awkward. Not that it's strange to see him crying like this (or rather she doesn't care if it is or not), but it still feels like it's her fault that he's like this. Some friend she is. ]

[No... No, please don't feel bad. Rin shakes his head, a spark of anger flashing through him and he latches onto it. He's doing it again, hurting people he's not supposed to hurt, while it's all his own stupidity. The anger he's aiming at himself is like a starw for a drowning man and it helps him pull himself out of the raging storm of his emotions and gain control over himself again.]<7mall>

It's not your fault.

[He says, his voice a little rough and still hiding his eyes behind his bangs, as he wipes his face.]

It's me who's fucked up.

You did not.

[ That he's trying to reassure her is appreciated, really! But... She takes a breath, uncertain of what else she can do but try anyway. Why is trying to be a good friend difficult anyway? ]

It's their fault, Rin. They messed with someone awesome, someone who's happy with something unconventional. Someone who's been nothing but nice to me and helped me catch up with my studies and got me into Quidditch, okay? That's not fucking up.

[ Strong language for a fourteen year old girl but shh. ]

It's... It's okay if you're upset, I'm just sorry if I'm the one who did that because that's not what I wanted to do.

No... I'm saying, that I'm the one who's pathetic.

[He sniffles one last time, the look in his eyes hardening.]

I mean, look at me! I know they're the jerks, I know I did nothing wrong, but still I can't get my shit together!

[In his anger he kicks the closest wall with all his power, ignoring the surge op paiin that shoots through his legs.]

All I ever do is whimper, whine and cry, like some bloody baby! The world ought to laugh at me! No wonder karma hates me!

Stop it!

[ AAAAAAAGH this is so frustrating! Immediately she tries to grip at his shoulder which is a little awkward because of the angle why is he so tall and whirl him around so she can look him in the eye. Yeah her temper is getting away from her again but she still feels like she can't just leave him like this! ]

The only pathetic part about this whole thing is that you're acting helpless when you're not and it really pisses me off to see you acting like you are!! Yes, you did nothing wrong, but there's got to be something you can do about it to make things right again!

And what, pray tell?!! What is there I can do?!! I can't make the universe better, as much as I'd like!

[His temper is flaring, pissed off, at himself, at the world, or at Adela, he's not sure.

She's standing there, her light frame shaking his, telling him all these truths, while fact is that Rin's too weak and pathetic to do anything about it.]

I'm just a nobody who can't even prevent being bullied! It's been years and nothing changed, what makes you think anything will change now?!

Nothing's going to change if you don't get off your arse and try! It might take a hundred tries, it might take a million tries, but you've still got to do it because otherwise you've given up! And... And...

[ She is so tempted to punch him right now, but one look at him tells her that that is not a good idea. She's starting to feel so helpless though, and whether she realizes it or not it's working her up enough to start to get a little too emotional as well. ]

You... You're not alone. You don't have to do it alone. You've got your boyfriend, you've got your friends, you've got me to help you through this, okay? It doesn't have to be just you.

[Rin bites his lips and clenches his fists, looking away.]

Nothing's gonna change even if I try! It never does!

[He knows he's giving up, but what sense does pursuing have if things never changed anyway. You needed to acknowledge your loss, right? He'd never have his way, he finally needs to face it. He doesn't have what it itakes, he never had it in the first place. His only luck is, that Seth loves him through all that. Because loving himself... Rin doesn't feel like he deserves it, like he has any right to do it.

He might not be alone, but that doesn't change that he's a wretched, pathetic existence.]

That's a load of dragon dung.

[ She's shaking then, finally letting go even as she feels like she's losing her composure rapidly. There are a few tears lining her eyes and she has to take a breath to try and keep her tone even and to push herself to continue. ]

"Or perhaps in Slytherin, you'll make your real friends, those cunning folk use any means, to achieve their ends." Do you know what that means?

Maybe what you've tried hasn't worked, but you still haven't tried everything. It's not in you to just quit, is it? You wouldn't be in Slytherin if it was, right...?

Don't you start as well!

[Not only his senpai, now even she hast to start. Slytherin this, slytherin that, he can barely hear it anymore. So what if he's given up, so what?!

Except... except... He's trembling with rage, because fuck it, they're right and he hates that he's given up, but what can he do?! What can he possibly do, if things are never right?! He's utterly disgusted with himself and all he wants to do is punch something, because... because she's right. Everyone's right. He never gave up, he doesn't want to, even though his chances are zero, even in spite of the many set backs. He thinks of his father, the person whom he wanted to make proud over everyone else, he would have never gven up, would he? Rin can't give up. Thought he wants nothing more, or maybe he wants nothing less, he doesn't know anymore.

He's pissed off, because he doesn't know, he's pissed off because he's giving up, he's pissed off because everyone he's pissed off is right and he is wrong, but he still can't change things!

He lets out a howl, that resonates through the hall, like a sound that an animal would make, while punching the wall with both his fists, full force, not caring about making his hands bleed even more. He's already full of bruises and scrapes, he's wounded enough, to not care about a few drops of blood.]

Damn it. Damn IT!!!

[He hollers, breathing hard, leaning his forehead against the cold stone wall. Okay. Okay, shit, fuck it all straight into hell. He can't give up. It all feels hopeless, but he can't give up. He's lost, but he can't give up. Shit...]

Damn it...

[He sobs, before taking a deep breath and running his hand through his hair. No more break downs, please.]

What in the seven bloody hells do I do...?

[ She's surprised at the reaction, but once he's quieted down a bit she sighs, bracing herself before just hugging him. Maybe it's to hide the fact that she's started crying too, because that's probably the last thing he needs to see right now. He doesn't get a verbal answer right away because of it...

But, she doesn't remain silent forever. ]

Let's go together, find someone to talk about this to when you're up for it. I've got your back, Rin.

[He doesn't react to the warmth against his back, but he doesn't push her away either. He just listens quietly to what she has to say. He still doesn't feel like telling someone, but...]

Maybe...

[He's too tired to fight it now, so that may be considered a development? He doesn't notice her crying, but he's thankful for her support, so he quietly raises his hand to place if above hers, silently expressing his gratitude. As hard as it is to admit, having a friend who will listen to even his yelling... well, it's overwhelming. In a good way.]

Thanks.

[He rhasps, voice rough from either the yelling, or the crying, it's hard to tell. He can't however ay no more, just silently standing there, taking comfort in her presence.]

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5th Bite is freshly in love... and then some

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