imperturbatus | 7th Sparkle is Research

Library, all time, all days

[It took a while for Yogi to decide what he wanted to do. After Halloween he really needed to sort through his thoughts and decide what he wanted to do with the things he learned. That he was an actual orphan, for one. And the son of a deceased former Nordic Minister of Magic for the other. But that's pretty much the only clues he has, because the letter he received from Hirato about a week ago, had been cryptic as ever.

There's only one thing he can do now, which is, stop hiding behind excuses and search for the truth himself. The question was, however, if he wants the truth.

It takes him weeks to accept it, but he does.

Which is why he walks monday morning in, right before his first lesson and asks whether there's an archive for old issues of the Daily Prophet. He's lucky, there is one. Which is where he stands now. Shelves and shelves of Daily Prophets, as far as he can see. It would be impossible to dig out each and every of them. He doesn't even know, if there's anything in there he can use. He needs to narrow down his search. All he knows is, that he had been 10, when Hirato and Tsukitachi found him and the first real memory he has, after the weeks - maybe months - that are a blur of color and surround sound in his head (probably shortly after he lost his memory), is that first Christmas he spent with his foster dads. So anything that happened, it must have happened between February and December, 8 years ago.

He sighs in defeat. This will still take weeks. He really should learn for NEWTs instead.

He pulls out the issues from the first February week of that year, finds a sunny corner and starts reading.]

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[For a startled moment Yogi blinks at Taichi, before his face flushes with a warm, glowing smile and he looks away. This is the first time he's heard Taichi joke and the fact, that the Ravenclaw did it to cheer him up, to encourage him, means a lot to Yogi. It warms his heart and touches him at his core, more than anything and returns the strength and courage into his heart again. And all it took his friend, were a few words.]

I don't believe there's anything you're not good in.

[It's meant as a counter, but it's spoken in honesty. He means what he says. Taichi is one of the smartest people he knows, and that includes geniuses like Gareki and cunning foxes like Hirato.

He listens as Taichi encourages him more, offering his help and he smiles, but shakes his head.]

I'm nowhere close to through with these and this is just the first month. I have about ten more to go.

[Though he expects to find something within the next 8, it's still a lot. And he can't just ask for help, can't demand each of his friends bury their noses in a mountain of newspapers, searching for something that might not even be there, just because it's something Yogi feels he needs to do.]

[Taichi just smiles in return for the compliment, not saying anything about it. in reality he feels more like he's a jack of all trades, master of none. Average in all skills, never to succeed in one. So being good at everything was a bit of an overreaction... but he didn't want to turn this into a talk about his abilities.]

I see. Well, is there anything else you would like me to help with?

[Yogi smiles at Taichi's eternal kindness. If he knew what his friend was thinking, he wouldn't hesitate to tell Taichi about where his abilities and talents are. His good heart, or the way he always makes Yogi smile for one.]

Unless you have the patience to dig with me through these, in search for anything on the Nordic Minister of Magic from about 8 years ago?

[He really doesn't think anyone would want to do that and Yogi slumps against the table, resting his head against his arms. He's aware of the funny look Taichi is sending him. What would Yogi want with the former Nordic Minister of Magic, right? Yogi gulps and studies the pattern on his sweater, green and fluffy, designed to keep him warm.

He knows he doesn't need to tell Taichi, or anyone. He knows he doesn't need to give a detailer explanation to everyone, but... he thinks he should. At least, if h wants to call someone his friend, he should be honest with them about himself. Isn't that the right thing to do? And Taichi... Taichi has always been kind to him. And nice. Always helping and encouraging Yogi. It doesn't feel fair to keep him in the dark, while asking for more help than he already has.]

He was my father. He apparently died about 7 to 8 years ago, along with my mother and I'm trying to find out what happened, because... I... I don't remember any of it.

[Taichi listens to Yogi quietly while taking a seat, looking at him with a worried look on his face. So that was the reason Yogi was looking for information this old. Quietly, he moves his hand to touch Yogi's shoulder and then gives it a light, gentle squeeze to show that he's there for him.]

I will help you, if you let me. I want to support you on this. Finding out about your roots is important.

[Yogi sighs, but it sounds more like a sob, and the gentle touch of the warm hand is all it takes to make him lean against Taichi, resting his head against his friend's shoulder. He knows not everyone is comfortable with physical contact, Gareki has told him that so many times already, but Yogi needs it now. He hoppes Taichi doesn't mind it too much...

All the gentleness in Taichi's words, all the support comforts him, because if he's completely honest, he doesn't know what he wants.]

I'm not sure I even want to know the truth. [He admits softly.] I'm so scared, Taichi... A month ago I didn't even know who my parents were and now I'm looking into their deaths. My foster parents don't tell me anything and I... I... If my mind forced itself to forget... How terrifying must it have been? And even if he acts like a despotic tyrant, I know that Hirato cares... He and Tsukitachi saved me and raised me, and I thought knowing that was enough... That's all that matters, to have someone who cares. I never believed it mattered, what happened in the past...

[Once he starts talking, it turns out he can't stop. It's a repeat of everything he's already told Gareki, but he still can't let it go, he still has doubts.]

And yet here I am, digging through old newspapers, in hopes of finding something I don't even know if I want... A part of me is scared, but another part of me... it craves to know what it is I can't recall. It's so confusing and... I... I thought I knew who I was, but would you look at that. I have no idea.

[Yogi gulps at the tightness in his throat, hiding his eyes in Taichi's neck, when his vision turns blurry. He should get himself together, he keeps telling himself, finally grow up and deal with it like a man, as Hirato would say. He sniffs, trying to breathe through it and apologizes to Taichi for dumping all of this on his friend.]

I'm sorry... I just... I feel so lost sometimes... I just thought... If Hirato doesn't tell me anything... And I can't remember, no matter how hard I try, digging through some old newspapers is better than sitting around and being depressed. But truth is, I don't really know.

[Taichi listens, calm and collected. Sometimes, he pats Yogi's back gently to reassure him that it's alright to be emotional around him. Taichi may seem emotionless himself a lot, but he's never minded others being emotional around him. Even if too much happiness and sparkle sometimes annoys him.

With Yogi, it's what he's used to and he would like to help him find his light back if he could.]

It's alright. This is troubling you and you need to make a choice. A choice of trying to find the truth or never touch it again. Both have their good points and their bad points and there's a point you might regret... but whichever you choose, remember you're not alone. You have your foster parents and your friends to support you. Whatever is in the past doesn't change that.

[Yogi sighs, as he feels the warm touch sooth him, calming him down. He's grateful for not being pushed away, and that Taichi doesn't at least seem to be uncomfortable. Because Yogi's finding out, his friend is really warm and it comforts Yogi more than anything. He catches himself wanting to snuggle deeper into it and he stops himself, mildly startled by that desire.

He distracts himself by listening to Taichi, to the low sound of his voice, to the words, that are meant to calm him down and encourage him, and he closes his eyes, as he wait for them to sink in. Nothing will change, according to Taichi. Nothing about their friendship, or any other of his friendships. Even Hirato and Tsukitachi will probably stay, because if there's one thing he can't say about them, it's that they ever left him alone. The past doesn't matter after all. It doesn't matter, and it's completely up to him, what he does. It still scares him, what may have been, but he can't remain in one place forever, can he?]

Thank you...

[He says, because there's nothing else he can say to express how much Taichi's support means to him, and finally raised his head to look at his friend, with a small apologetic smile.]

I'm sorry. You're probably sick of hearing me whine. I promise I'll be more resolved from now on.

[He's not sure if he's promising it to Taichi, or to himself, but at least it puts a small smile back on his face, one that he shares with his friend, only to suddenly notice, how close they are. He's still in his friend's personal space, his hand gently grasping the blue pullover, where he had fisted it without noticing he was doing it. Taichi's warmth is all around him and Taichi's warm eyes are looking at him from close up, and Yogi can feel his cheeks heating in a blush, that he can't explain. He knows he should pull away, but he's comfy and warm and it feels good to embraced like this.]

7th Sparkle is Research

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